An old colleague and friend started a web site with a bunch of other writers recently called Ms.Ann Thropic. Basically, Ms. Ann Thropic is a very witty site with a borderline dark sense of humor in which the fictional character gives a reality check to people in the news who she feels are seriously detached from reality.
Past victims include:
- Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal
- Pope Benedict
- Starbucks
My old buddy asked me, way before the site was even up, to provide a piece for Ms. Ann Thropic. Unfortunately, his partners said it was funny but too outdated. In any case, here is the piece I wrote. Enjoy!
Al Gore: Wuss Turned Idol, Waited To Lose the Election to Become the White Obama
Winner of the Nobel Peace Prize and several other prestigious awards, including the Emmy and Lifetime Achievement Award. Co-founder of a brokerage firm that only invests in socially responsible companies and brainchild behind the Alliance for Climate Protection. This person has become one of the world’s most passionate activist for environmental causes and has done more to increase climate change awareness than almost anyone else. Sounds like Presidential material? Too bad, because before narrowly losing the Presidential election in 2000, Al Gore was none of these.
Before losing the election by half a million votes in a country of 350 million, Al Gore was nothing more than a spineless jellyfish, unwilling to defend flimsy accusations from his opponents and foolish enough to distance his campaign from President Bill Clinton. Led more by pointless opinion polls than by any kind of personal conviction, Al Gore was the ideal candidate for the voter willing to either stand for nothing or vote against George W. Bush.
Sure, lots of Democrats blame Ralph Nader, the so-called “spoiler” for taking away crucial votes that would have easily gone to Gore had that pesky democracy thing not been in play. But isn’t the real spoiler Al Gore, the sidekick of one of the greatest Presidents of the 20 Century, who couldn’t win what is basically a national popularity contest against a phony cowboy from Texas who was relatively unknown? The sad truth is that in 2009, Al Gore has become more of an advocate for the environment than Nader ever was.
After eight years of peace and prosperity under Democratic leadership, the 2000 Presidential election, would have been an easy win for most Democratic candidates. But not Al Gore, who despite having run before for President in 1988, acted more like an unprepared understudy than someone ready to lead the United States and fight his way to the White House. Not the stiff cyborg from Tennessee who was so boring his Secret Service code name was “Al Gore”.
So did Al Gore suddenly discover global warming after losing the election, or was it just his balls? Only Al can answer why only after the election he chose to become the passionate activist and multiple award winner people would actually want to vote for. The eight year-long string of boners, screw-ups and practical jokes known as the Bush Presidency can be partially blamed on Al Gore for being as passionate and charismatic as a baked potato. For doing to his Presidential campaign what George W. Bush does to the English language. But Al does get credit for endorsing Barack Obama; at least he knows a real leader when he sees one.
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